My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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