Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
