She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
it hurts more in the daytime
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
