he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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