the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
