My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Acid is not a monday night drug
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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