I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
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