My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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