I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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