She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
