I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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