Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
