Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
