When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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