i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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