My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
