He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
