I love black thongs
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
