I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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