Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This baby is an asshole
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
