dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
