eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
