this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
