I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize