I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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