hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
