I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
