I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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