Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
