How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
i now understand why vodka
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
