Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
