I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
