Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
