Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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