My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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