you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
