I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
