I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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