I think i sorta joined a cult last night
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
