I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
