everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
