Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
