if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Drunk is not a location!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
