Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
