Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
