I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
