It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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