she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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