We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
