the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize