But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize