I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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