just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
