I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
