hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Randomize
