Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
