At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
