Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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