then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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