Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
