shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
