Barsexuality is the new black.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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