What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
