Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Randomize