Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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