I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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