I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I want her autograph on my taint
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
