I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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