u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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