i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize