Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
