i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
