He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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